January 24, 2009 - Just returned from a clinic in New Jersey and had a great chance to hear some of the best coaches in the country share their information and ideas. It was fun. Scott Whitlock always entertains with his stories about him and his college team. Most importantly, he reminds all of us about why we are here. Cat Osterman did a great idea with her two pitching sessions. This young lady really knows her craft and knows how to communicate to others. Others such as Karen Weekly, Bill Edwards and the Olympic conditioning coach Brandon Marcello were great. I always come back feeling like I am rejuvenated!
January 1, 2009 - So, since my daughter is signed, no more showcase travel for me,right? Wrong. Just because she is signed doesn't mean that she gets a free pass from now on. She needs to be at tournaments and showcases for a couple of reasons. First, her college coach expects her to keep on playing. Second, she needs to keep up her skills. Third, she owes it to her team. For years other players have been there playing for her; making sure the team can play in tournaments and showcases so that my daughter could get seen. They didn't need to be there, they were signed already. But they were there. It's called giving back and being part of a team.
Which brings upi the ugly concept of commitment. Is it just me or are people forgetting about commitment and what it means. Why do I say that? Simple. We keep losing kids every week for a variety of reasons. Some of them not very good. I can see missing a tournament for illness, injury or family crisis. But, some of the excuses these kids come up with are lame. And, their parents support them and, in some cases, make the lies up for them. Amazing.
December 28, 2008- Can this year almost be over, really? It is amazing to think that 2008 is over and 2009 waits to take its place. So, as we head into winter, we look forward to spring and summer and, of course, softball. Only 53 days left! So, what is your game plan for this year?
Signed/ Committed: For you, it is not time to let down. Those same habits that got you into a good school and a good softball program are even more valuable now. Don't slack up. Work on refining your game for the collegiate level. Play with a good travel team that plays many other good teams with top notch players. In school, keep the grades as your primary focus and provide leadership for your high school team. Keep working out. Before you know it, your college coach is going to send you your workout regimine for summer. Also, remind your high school counselor that your final infomation on the NCAA Clearinghouse needs to be completed.
Juniors : This summer is an important summer for you. Except for the major D1 programs, most schools will be spending time watching you play. Keep working hard, writing letters and e-mails, and letting coaches know your schedule for showcases and other tournaments. Narrow down to realistic choices at this point . Find a team with a good showcase schedule for the summer. You want to go where the coaches will Make sure you take SAT's and ACT's in the Spring and then, if need be, Fall. Get that skills DVD completed.
Sophomores/Freshmen: While the Juniors are on the "hot seat" this year, it doesn't mean that schools don't want to hear from you. Many Major D1 programs recruit two and three years out from graduation. While I am not an advocate of early verbals, it is a fact of life. So, write schools and let them know where you are playing. At this point in your career, it is a good idea to be on an 18 A or 18 Gold team if possible.If not, play on a good 16 under team with a good schedule.
Make sure you enjoy playing and are learning good fundamentals!
Parents: Every bit of information for the athlete applies to you. However, you are more crucial than you realize in keeping the recruiting process an enjoyable one. If you are uptight, nervouse, and out of control, this will make your daughter feel the same. Keep it all in perspective and remember that the bottom line is that this is about YOUR DAUGHTER and not you.
November 27th, 2008 - Thanksgiving Day! On a day when we sit back and give thanks for all the good things is life, we have to count our blessings in so many large and small ways. We live in the greatest country on earth. Even though financially and in other ways things seem hard right now, I really feel that American perseverance and ingenuity will prevail and bring us back. And, I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with the leadership in Washington, it has to do with us.
In a more personal way, our family has so many wonderful things to be thankful.for. I could go into so many, but I will save that for a more personal forum. However, I did want to write my "softball" thank you's'. There are so many people who have helped my daughter to achieve her goal of playing softball in college.
First of all, I thank all the coaches who ever worked with her. In particular, I thank Bill Dryden, her longtime pitching coach, travel coach and family friend. His advice, even after she gave up pitching lessons, was invaluable. We also thank Mark Anderson, her current travel coach, Andy Givens, her hitting instructor, Gary Bell, a coach who brought the joy of softball back to her, and Tyler Gogoll, her trainer.
November 20,2008 Letter of Intent Signing! It is amazing that this day has actually come and gone. My daughter signed her letter of intent last week. We are so happy for her. All the hard work and dedication has paid off and she has achieved her goal of signing to play Division 1 ball.
She deserves it.But, she knows her hard work is just beginning.
August 30, 2008 Happy Labor Day Weekend! What an I doing this weekend? For the first time in three years I am staying home. Since 2005, we have been driviing down South for a college showcase. This year, we don't have to do that, since my daughter has verballed! It's a great school and she is very excited. We are excited for her and very proud of how hard she worked to reach this goal.
Do I miss going all the way down there? No. Do I miss the friendships of the people I have met their in the past, yes. But, it's nice not to have to spend the money and time and the last summer weekend fighting traffic.
Now, if you think the work has ended now that she has verballed, you are so wrong. On her part, she plans on working harder than ever getting reading academically and athletically. She knows that she needs to continue to improve so she can play at the collegiate level. For her Dad and I, it means that we still need to provide the necessary support to keep her going.
August 23, 2008 Not being perfect...Whenever you are on top, someone is always hoping you will be beaten. That is the same for any team in any sport. I congratulate the US for their silver medal. Some are saying that this is good for the sport. Maybe it is. Personally, I think that it was tough for the US players, especially the new ones, to accept less than the gold. It's tough when you have that winner's mind set.
I also wonder if the fact that Lisa Fernandez was not on the team affected their leadership. Her playing skills may not have been up to the level of some of the other women, but she certainly was an inspiration and an emotional component of the team. She had those intangibles that can help bring a team to a championship.
August 18th, 2008 Being perfect...is what the US Olympic Softball team did during preliminaries. Some people say they need to stop winning in the best interest of the sport. If that is the case, then the Chinese need to stop winning diving medals, Michael Phelps needs to stop winning swimming medals, and well, you get it. I have never heard the idea that a sport should be stopped because one country is so good at it. I hope the US team goes undefeated in Beijing.
Tryouts started this weekend...It's that annual Summer ritual of softball renewal. As I watched the tryouts for my daughter's teams, I remember a couple of things that will help you get noticed and on the team you want...
HUSTLE: Dive for balls, run hard, swing hard... help with equipment. Be the first one on the field. Get dirty. Talk in the infield....
Gold, Silver and disappointment... I think a year ago I wrote about Shawn Johnson and expectations. I was concerned that her Olympics would be deemed a "failure" if she did not get the gold in the All Around. After watching Shawn come in second to Nastia Liukin, I took a look at her face. Sadly, even though she is the silver medalist at the Olympics, she looked disappointed. I understand that everyone wants to be number one, but I think our country and the world sometimes does not honor the accomplishment of coming in second among the many thousands who participate in a sport.
The sad truth is that it has come down to endorsements and earning power. I just read an article about how Shawn's "earning power" is not as good now. How sad. She is a great kid who did nothing but give the best she had. Yet, supposedly, advertisers will not want to use her because she didn't " win." I guess that's why I am not in the advertisement business....
August 14, 2008 Lessons Learned: The one thing I love about sports is the lessons we can learn about life. Of course, as old as I am, I think I knew a lot of these things, but the Olympics just keep reminding us...
1. Enjoy the moment...Have you noticed that the people who win seem to be "in the moment" and not stressing out about past mistakes or future possible mistakes? The ability to "turn the page" is so crucial. Now, that doesn't mean that we don't learn from our mistakes. We just don't need to dwell on them.
2. There is always going to be someone better... No matter who you are, how well you have done, there will always be someone better. Even Olympic champions know this. That is why so many of them retire after winning gold. Some of them do multiple Olympic games, but a rare few are able to keep up the same level of competitiveness.
3. Don't make any threats you can't back up... French relay swimming team... need I say more.
August 13, 2008 The Olympics Part 2 - The Olympics really shows us so much about our culture, our attitudes, and our value system.
1. Women's Gymnastics - I spent 30 years of my life in gymnastics and watching the women's finals last night was painful. Not for the reasons you would think, though. I am very sorry that things didn't work out for the U.S. Women, but I am really sad about the way the American press handled the whole thing. There was not one news report or headline that didn't refer to the US Women as having " lost the gold." The pictures all over the internet were of Alicia Sacramone falling or the girls in tears. I guess my problem is that for years, we in the gymnastics community DREAMED of a time when our team would even be CONSIDERED as a contender for the GOLD. Now, if we don't win the gold, our girls have "failed." I say that it is AMAZING that they won silver under the circumstances. They had three "starters" out with injuries. The first girl up on beam was not even supposed to compete beam. I hope that, as these kids get some distance, they will understand how marvelous they are. Meanwhile, good luck to Shawn and Nastia and Alicia. Hey girls, enjoy it! I think Shawn has the best chance, she seems somewhat oblivious to it all. And, she is the healthiest.
2. Softball - Amazing, simply amazing. I saw some awesome plays and some pretty bad ones ( the outfield for Chinese Tapai.)
3. Michael Phelps- Need I say anymore? Show the clip of him swimming with his goggles filled with water so he can't see. Those whining players will stop whining. Keep going Michael!
4. Diving - This is not about the competitors but about the female commentator, I think she is Cynthia Potter, former Olympic diver. She is annoying at BEST. I would just like to watch the divers without her constant picking at them. Sure, it's okay to tell us why they got the scores, but to constantly criticize, just not fun. Promote your sport, don't belittle it.
August 11, 2008 - The Olympics... Part 1...Only a few days into the Olympics and so much to talk about...
1. Opening Ceremonies - Wow. Some of those countries...where are they? I am always amazed at home many countries come, whether they have one, 10 or 300 athletes. Then, I am always amazed ( in a good and not so good way) with their uniforms. Some of them were beautiful... others looked like something my grandmother would wear ( sorry grand mom).
2. Michael Phelps - What a great athlete, what a great attitude.I get the feeling that this kid loves to win, but he always seems SO calm. His mom and his coach did a great job with him.
3. USA Basketball - The "redeem team" looks like they are focused and ready to win. They don't look like spoiled pro's to me. Amazing what a virtual slap in the face will do.
4. France vs. USA in the swimming relay - Hey France, make sure you can back it up when you try to get inside the other team's head! Can you say, "mercie beaucoups ( sp)?"
5. Gymnastics - I am impressed with the US men. They have had their top two guns drop out. Yet, they are still fighting. How about David Durante, the alternate, cheering from the stands? That's what I call a team player..
6. Gymnastics ( the female side)- A few injuries to key athletes, but these kids are still out there fighting. Just like last year at worlds, they had their little "pep talk" after preliminaries. I don't know if they will win or not, but they sure impressed me.
7. Come on softball!!!!!!!
August 6, 2008 - Wouldn't it be better to save all that money? I saw an advertisement for tryouts for a travel team in our area which is being designed and run by a Pro Fastpitch team also in our area. It sounded like a great idea, all free stuff, free athletic and physical training and diet consultation with their staff, etc. The whole program is being designed by extremely competent people who are very knowledgeable. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Here's the kicker. You pay $1500 when your kid makes the team. ( Okay you say, that's about normal). Wait, there' s MORE. You also pay $450 a MONTH for 10 months. Yes, that is in addition to your $1500. Now, I am no math whiz, but that now is $6000.00 before you even set foot on the field. That does not include hotels, travel, etc. Your expected to fund raise for that.
I suppose the additional $450 a month provides for the two hours a week practice in the nice practice facility and the athletic and diet training/consultation. I guess it is worth it, but I wonder if a college scholarship is a guarantee for these kids. Because, if you start when a kid is 10 and under and go until she is 18 U, and you don't figure in inflation, that comes out to $48000. I guess that is worth it, IF the scholarship is guaranteed. But, if you put that money in a 529 plan, you can earn interest and use the money for college OR something else if your daughter gets a scholarship. ( By the way, is there going to be any academic training on the way to get those SAT scores up? Because you have a better chance of an academic scholarship than an athletic scholarship.
I just don't see it. Now, you are going to tell me to add up MY bills for the summer and tell me that you could say the same for me. I will tell you right now that I don't pay that kind of money to my daughter's team. Remember, most of my bills come from hotel stays and travel, not training. And, I do get some say in that. Any outside training my daughter gets is of our CHOOSING, not foisted upon us by some organization.
What if the kid is injured or quits? What if you don't like the philosophy of the coach? I am betting there is an agreement there that you will sign that says if you leave, you still have to pay the remainder.
Now, I'm sure these people have the best of intent. They say they are trying to get EAST COAST ball up to the standard of the WEST COAST. Maybe that will work, I wish them all the luck in the world. I'm just not sure that it is worth the investment of all those little 10U, 12U and 14U parents, not to mention the older kids.
By the way, you get free entry into the pro fastpitch team's home games. That ought to be worth it.
Do what you want, but I see red flags everywhere. Take your time before you commit, make sure of what you are getting and that it will be worth it.
August 4, 2008 One way conversations...are so interesting. You know what I mean. Someone starts talking to you and all of a sudden you realize that you have been conversing with them for 20 minutes and you haven't said a word yet. How does that happen???? It's as though people think they have to tell you their whole life story. But why? Is it insecurity that you won't know " who they are?" Are they afraid that this will be their only chance to tell you everything about them? I'm not sure. I try to be nice, I really do. But when a person becomes a "serial" one way conversationalist I do develop strategies of avoidance and deflection.
One way is the constant cell phone disruption. Put it on vibrate or silent. When a conversation gets to be too much, pretend you have a call and answer it. A variation of this is the sudden bathroom needs.
Another way is just to drift off. This only works if there is someone else in the vicinity that you can direct your talker to. As the person is pontificating, move your body so that you eventually are in the vicinity of someone else. Then, slowly drift off, leaving the serial talker with someone else. *Clue, don't do this to friends. They catch on real easy and they WILL get you back.
A third way is to keep moving. Once you have established a serial talker, you never let them catch you alone. You just keep walking when they approach. I have had some people follow me from place to place for ten minutes.
The most drastic way is the direct approach. This is very harsh in its most basic form. You say something like, " I'm sorry, but I can't listen to your life story any more." Then, you leave. I have never used this. I did use a variation with a bragging parent once. As he was speaking I interupted with, " You have been talking about your kids, I thought maybe you'd like to know about mine for a change?" It too three minutes for the person to catch on. Once he did, the conversation was over. He really DIDN'T want to know about me or my life. He just wanted to brag.
I am sure these are nice people. I just wonder what happened to their ability to listen to or care about others? They don't seem to pick up on the usual clues most uf us have ( yawning, drifting off, etc.)
If you are a serial talker, step back for a moment and follow these rules:
1. For every fact you share about your family, ask the other person to share.
2. Keep stories short and to the point. Don't explain any more than the person needs to know ( we don't need to know that your daughter's coach once was the valentine queen in the 8th grade.)
3. Monitor the interest level of the story. Is it one that everyone will relate to? Or is it one that depends on personal history to define meaning? Remember, " Just the facts, ma'am."
4. Watch for visual cues that your listener is tired. Fidgeting, yawning, looking away, could all be signs of boredom.
August 1, 2008 The Olympics are on the horizon... and so is tryout time. Let's start with tryouts. Maybe your daughter is staying with the team she has been with, or maybe she is moving on. Either way, tryouts can be stressful. Will she make the team? Who will make her team? Read my tryouts page for ideas on how to make this time less stressful and more pleasant for everyone....
It's also a time when every softball dad who thinks his kid didn't get a fair shake wants to start his own team. Be wary of these situations. First of all, new teams don't get a lot of credibility with tournament directors of the BETTER tournaments. So, make sure that you know the tournament plan for the Fall and Summer and whether the team has the ability to get in those tournaments. Second, be aware of DADDY BALL. Is this team built around Daddy's little pitching princess? If so, get ready for seasons of woe and frustration. No matter how poorly the princess may do, she will not usually get the blame. Now, some dad's can avoid this disease, but not many. And, by the way, it is not always limited to pitcher's parents. Finally, look at who is trying out and their parents. Why are they there?
Can they play ball? Sometimes new teams attract a multitude of kids and parents who carry a fatal flaw, whether it is playing ability ( or lack of it), daddy and mommy drama factor, or just overall cluelessness. There are a few new teams who can avoid this, but not many.
Now, the Olympics. I can't wait. I admit that I love the drama ( real or media created) that this event evokes. I will be glued to my television for the entire time. Isn't it amazing that so many people have devoted their lives to making this event? What is more amazing is that a majority of them know they don't have a chance at Olympic glory. Yet they perservere. These are the athletes that I have the most admiration for.
The one thing you don't get to see on television is these athletes. You don't see the gymnast from Sweden or the runner from Costa Rica. Having been in attendance at one Olympic games and having watched some of these athletes, I have to say that their attitude is refreshing. They have no endorsements waiting for them after the games. People in their own country don't even know who they are. But, for a couple of weeks every four years, they are recognized as an elite competitor. I wish them the best competition of their lives. I hope they realize that even if they finish last, they are last among the best. I thank them for their hard work. They show the rest of us that it is NOT about money or fame.
The end of the season...It's almost incredible that the season is over and we are ready to begin tryouts for the Fall and next summer. And, as usual, people are coming and going, changing teams, leaving the sport, etc. Now is the time when all the rumors start abou this kid, that kid and so on. No matter how many years we have been with this sport, it never ceases to amaze me how softball teams are like marriages. Instead of the seven year itch, it appears that teams and players have the seven month itch.
There are so many reasons why people leave. None of them are very important. What is important is that you make sure that you leave the right way. You don't need a lot of drama and flourish. See my section on leaving gracefully.
Also, make sure this is the right decision, especially if your daughter is in the older divisions. Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.....until you have to pull the weeds and mow....
We have met so many nice people... this season. Some of them have daughters who are moving on to college. They have been wonderful to talk to and have taught me so much. I appreciate the way their daughters have stuck with the team even though I am sure they wanted to go to the beach! Some of them have daighters who are in college. They have been a valuable resource. Some of them will be around for this Fall and next summer. We have had a lot of fun together and I hope that will continue to next year. It's nice to have someone there to talk about our shared experiences in recruiting, playing, and so on.
That is one thing about sports.... the kids aren't the only ones who make friends....
7/28/08 More of this and that... I thought I had seen it all last weekend, but I always see something new each weekend. This weekend it was umpires. Now, as someone who officiated in another sport for many years, I know that the main idea is to NOT be the focus of the event. It is not your job to "be the show." Apparently, two umpires we had this weekend don't know that.
On the filp side of that was the umpire in the last game of a long weekend. Very professional, did his job, was pleasant and was happy to be there. Hey guys, if you don't love it, don't do it. By the way, thank you to umpires in general. I know you hear a lot of "stuff" but you guys really do deserve credit for a job well done!
7/22/08 This and that...
Why would you...
( as a coach) spend ten minutes of time in a showcase game arguing if another team is using a "flex" player correctly, find out they are, then continue to argue???? If it's a showcase, who cares? I guess the coach from a certain team cares SOOOOOOO much about being on the field that he doesn't mind stealing time from his and our players... and I understand this is the norm for him...
( as a parent) spend your time annoying coaches at a showcase? Well, there is one parent who we can't seem to get that message to. He continues to walk up to coaches, point out his daughter, and consequently chase coaches away. Parents, your place is in the stands. If your kid is good enough, they will notice her. They are NOT supposed to talk to you at tournaments.
( as a player) make a bad play at a showcase and then slam your glove on the ground and curse? College coaches, get out that black highlighter. No one wants anyone like that on your team.
(as a parent) worry about your kid doing well at a showcase but keep her out to all hours in the morning the day of a game? Hey, how well do you think she played?
Oh, the stories we could all share.
7/18/08 - Commitment....Have I done this one before? I think I have. As we travel in this world of hotels and innings and time limits, this word comes up again and again. Now that we are on a team with kids who have played a year in college, who have signed with a college, and who want to sign with a college, I have learned some things about this word.
First of all, you would think it would be easy to determine the group who would have the most commitment to the team. What do you think? Did you guess the ones who haven't signed yet? Oops. You'd be wrong. I mean, these are kids that want to be seen, whose parents want a scholarship. Shouldn't they be at every tournament as much as possible?
Well, should be, but aren't. Why, you ask? Because we are finding that this is not the case. Now, don't get me wrong, because there are good reasons not to be at a tournament. Certainly family events ( weddings, funerals, etc) are more important. Illness and injury go without saying. But, camps for other sports, concerts, and just not feeling like it don't cut it with me. I have had parents tell me that they are so worried their kid won't get signed that they are beside themselves. Yet, the folloiwng week, the kid misses games for some lame excuse. Don't whine to me anymore. And don't complain if your kid comes back and isn't playing the next game. Sorry, that is called consequence. ( And, by the way, other kids now get to showcase their talent in a position that they don't normally play thanks to you. Way to be there!) PS to coaches, want to impress your other players? Sit these kids who skip, no matter who they are. Then, when the parents whine that their kid didn't get seen, tell them that the coach who wanted to see their kids was there, where were they? I know, I am much too evil.
The ones I am impressed with are the ones who have signed or who have played a year at the college level and they still want to be here. They have little to gain and they still come. Why? Because they love the game and they know how to make a comittment. Maybe that is why they are playing in college or are signed, hmmmm? It is at least one of the reasons. I mean,who wants a college player who takes off for concerts, or parties, or.... you get the idea.
Maybe it is a sign of our times or our society that we want things but don't want to work for them ( or want things for our kids, but dont expect them to sacrifice for them).Maybe I am the crazy one for having my kid there for every tournament ( she wouldn't have it any other way) I just know that my parents taught me commitment. What are we teaching our kids?
6/23/08 - And the difference is.... So many teams are attaching the word " gold" to their names this year. I wonder if they know the true meaning of playing at this level?
If your daughter has never played in a gold tournament, it is a rude awakening. You go from playing on teams made up of some good travel ball players and high school stars to playing teams made up of great travel ball players ( most who are destined for good college teams) and COLLEGE stars. Pitchers make very few mistakes ( if they do they know it) and there are no easy ground balls. Every kid in the line up poses a threat to hit the ball hard or they have such speed that they can get on base with a simple grounder.
At the plate, girls better be ready to swing, because the good pitches they see will be few and far between. A .300 hitter suddenly finds herself fighting to get a hit, and a .500 hitter is now below .300.
Is it a waste to play at this level? I don't think so. It just depends on what your goals are. Are you dying to go to nationals? It may not happen unless you play in another organization's nationals. Are you trying to play great competition? That will definitely happen. Are you hoping your daughter's game will get better? Maybe, depending on how she reacts. You really have to know your kid and how she reacts to tough times.
What do the kids need to know? They need to know that this is a tough level and that they need to work through any tough times they have. They need to know that you are behind them and that you respect the process of learning how to play at this level. They also need to take joy in the good plays and any hits they have. Every at bat or defensive play is a learning experience. They need to use it as a way of gauging how college ball will be.
Some will discover that they cannot do it. Some will step up and improve their game.
6/19/08 - Is it really summer? Technically, it is not summer just yet, but the weather is hot and the tournaments have begun! I have to admit I love it, and as my weeks begin to be marked by the different locations and hotels, I also realize that I have two more summers of this with my daughter. WOW! I cannot believe it has gone so fast.
While we are on the topic of time going fast, a reminder to parents of RISING SENIORS:
Have you completed the NCAA Clearinghouse? If not, get it done NOW. Teams cannot recruit your daughter without her being registered here. Go to ncaa.com for the link.
Finally, my best wishes to all those parents and players out there as you begin your summer season. Have fun, enjoy the time with your daughter, and keep it all in perspective.
I will work hard to do the same!
5/28/08 - I guess it had to happen sooner or later...Why is it that when you think things are great, things go crazy. My daughter left her long time travel team and coach this year for a myriad of reasons, strength of schedule, organizational issues, etc. We had been advised for a while to get her in a different organization, but she loved her coach and her teammates so much that she wouldn't budge.
Because of a variety of reasons, she made the decision to go. It was a huge deal for her because she told the coach herself. We hoped the coach would be a grown up and be at least understanding and civil to her. We were wrong.
Basically, the conversation deteriorated to him telling her how horrible she was, we were, etc. I have never seen an adult act this way to a kid before. She was crushed. She has learned a lesson that many of us have to learn in our lives, and that is that some people are on your side only as long as you do things the way they want.
The good news is that she has found a good new home with a great coach and team. We couldn't ask for better! But, I guess it is important to know that even when you do things the right way, you may have to endure some bumps.
I've learned something myself as well, and that is that I have to let go of my anger about the situation. I think I finally have and it feels good.
1/27/08 The competitors get it, why don't we? I enjoy watching sports of any kind. Of course, softball is my favorite. But, I enjoy watching skating too. How these athletes can go out on something I can barely walk on and spin, jump and leap on to compete is beyond me. Add the pressure of a national championship and it is unbelievable.
So, why does the press have to make all of these competitions "gurdge matches" and great rivalries? Why can't they just enjoy the excitement of two amazing athletes going head to head in athletic competition? Isn't that enough?
Which brings me to parents. Don't we do the same thing? Don't we make every at bat, pitch, inning and game bigger than it really is? Why not let the kids enjoy the athletic competition and enjoy it ourselves? It's not war, it's not life or death, it's just amazing athletes facing each other.
We parents make it a grudge match. We play that team we don't like, that girl whose parents drive us crazy, the coach that didn't believe in our kid. We make it revenge, vindication, and all the other emotions that have no place in sport. Ask the kids. They will tell you that they just want to play and do their best. If they win, great. If they don't okay. They understand that it is competition and that is all. They challenge themseles athletically. They don't want controversy.
We, like the press, need to let it be what it is.
1/26/08 They are one of us....My husband and I attended the BE THE BEST YOU ARE coaches clinic in New Jersey this weekend. It was a great weekend. Many of you know that I spent a great deal of my life in gymnastics. One thing I have noticed that is the same between coaches, no matter the sport, is that those who are successful are not afraid to share with those of us who are not as knowledgeable. It's a very close knit group, coaches.
Most of them have been where the rest of us sit. What other profession does that? The only one I know that comes close is teaching. Every other profession is extremely competitive with people trying to get competitive secret.
It's not as though coaches aren't competitive, they are. It's not as though they don't want to win, they do. But I think that as competitive as they are, they also understant that you only want to beat the best when you compete.
Of course, the speakers were college coaches and most of us in the audience are travel, high school and rec ball coaches. Not much competition there. You would think though, that if they don't fear us competitively, they would scorn our lack of knowledge in comparision to theres. NOPE. They had such respect for all of us. I really appreciated it, particularly as I take over my high school' s varsity team this year.
So, thanks to all those coaches! You made the rest of us feel as though you were proud to have us in your "club." We are definitely proud to be called the same title as you, "coach!"
1/20/08Lighten up Parents! Now that my daughter is a teenager and we have been around travel softball for about 8 years, it is easier for me to see some of the silly things parents do NOW, before I write, I don"t want to sound condescending or judgemental. I have done my share of dumb things as a parent. But....
I was at a clinic today where a variety of softball players were participating. Some of the youngest were 8 or 9. As I sat down to read a book and play some games on my phone while my daughter pitched, I overhead one parent saying to her 8 year old daughter, " When you are in the batting cage today, I want to see you swing hard and hit that ball. If you don"t, I won"t bring you back next week." Wow. I overhead another mom yelling at her husband over her cell phone. " She looked awful in the cage. You need to work with her more. " This kid may have been 10. I just wanted to turn to both of these parents and say, " Hey, ligthen up. Before you know it, your kids will be grown up.Let them enjoy this game while they are young. There is plenty of time to be serious. " Taking kids to camps is great, but these should be fun learning experiences, not pressure filled events, at any age.
We should all remember. It is a game. Kids are supposed to enjoy it. We are supposed to support them. When it is over, do we want them to remember it as a positive or a negative in their lives? I wonder if these two little girls will be in softball when they are 16?
Act accordingly.
On the flip side... I met a great parent who had brought his two girls to the camp and he was a joy to talk to. We both had heard the conversations described above and were sharing some of our thoughts about parenting. This guy had his act together and his girls' attitudes showed the effect of his able parenting.
It just shows you that parents can meet others and learn so much at these camps as well.
December 07 -Snow day thoughts...With less than two inches of snow falling, it is hard to imagine why we are out of school today. We are and I am not complaining. It is really pretty outside and a nice day off without notice is kind of cool.
I read a really great piece by a student athlete regarding early verbals. I was so impressed by this young lady's thoughts and ability to get these thoughts on paper. If you want to see this article, go to http://www.studentsports.com, go to softball, and you will find it. Kudos to a young athlete for speaking her mind!
12/3/07 Great ambassadors for the sport...My daughter had the pleasure of attending a clinic with Stacey Nuveman and Jessica Mendoza this weekend. I will confess that I signed her up several weeks ago. She wasn't sure she wanted to go...mainly because of a lot of Chemistry homework and an AP English paper due the next day. Once she goe there, she had a great time. It's not because of new awesome drills Stacey and Jessica taught, or that she learned something totally new. The skills and techniques were basics that she knew ( not that reinforcement was bad.)
The big thing was that Stacey and Jessica really allowed the girls to have fun while they were working out. Their energy and passion for the game were clearly expressed in everything they did. The last session of the day was them talking about their experiences, their lives, and their love for the sport. Not only that, they spoke about finding your own thing, embracing your own gifts, and having a passion and working to make that reality.
These girls were not the over indulged, one dimensional athletes that one sees so often in other sports, but amazing people giving back to the sport they love. My daughter, who at 16 is the model of "cool" and would never get an autograph, did. She enjoyed herself and was invigorated. Enough said...
PS: The homework got finished in time.
11/22/07 Loose Lips sink Ships... is a phrase that was echoed on posters during World War II. It was a reminder to people to keep their mouths shut so that no secrets would get to our enemies and potentially ruin our war effort.
In a much smaller and less significant way, at least in the larger world, this phrase could apply to Travel Softball teams. I know it sounds crazy, but I have learned in so many ways how true it is.
The main culprit is gossip and innuendo. I can hear you now, "Well, Yeah, of Course!" It seems that any time adults, kids and sports mix, gossip and innuendo is the course of the day. I don't think many people know how hurtful and destructive this mainstay of the tournament scene can be.
Before you jump on me, I will admit that I have indulged from time to time. It is so hard not to. You hear a story about someone and all of a sudden you hear yourself gleefully telling someone else. Very seldom do we stop to think what the consequence of this gossip will be. There are consequences. People's feelings are hurt, reputations trashed, and longtime animosity encouraged. On this day of giving thanks, I have some advice for every softball parent, player and coach...
1. STOP. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. It seems so exciting to get that little tidbit of news and getting to be the first to share it. Before you do, stop. Think. What GOOD will sharing this information do? Will it help or hurt anyone? Is it TRUE? ( By the way, the TRUTH of the gossip doesn't make it better to share. Some things that are true are better left unsaid.)
2. STAY POSITIVE. Thumper had it right. " If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." You cannot make you or your daughter look better by running someone else down. It can only make YOU look bad. And, the worse effect is that you can ruin someone else's reputation.
3. DON'T Believe or Trust Gossip or the People who repeat it. Most of the time, it is not true. The person telling you the gossip about someone else will have you as their target next. They almst always have an ulterior motive, and it is not a good one.
What can you say when someone repeats gossip to you? It's hard, but try to shut it down immediately. Walk away, pretend to answer your phone or just say, " You know, I really don't need to know this right now."
Avoiding gossip will make you feel better. Yes, you won't know all the juicy tidbits, but at least you will be able to go to sleep at night in peace.
11/21/07 Happy Thanksgiving! At this time of year, a lot of people write about all that we should be thankful for. I agree, there is so much for which we should be thankful.
My question is, what have you given to someone else to make them thankful? I am not talking about gifts of money or presents, but what have you done to make someone's life better? I'll bet we all wish we had done better in this department. I know I do.
A great example is the story of a man who used to live across the street from us. During Isabel ( yes, it was a hurricane and it hit the East Coast in 2004, you just don't know much about it.) His and his wife's house was destroyed. It took them two years to rebuild it. For two years they lived in a trailer. A FEMA trailer. After they rebuilt it, they lived here for awhile and then sold the house and moved out west.
This week, on his way to a wedding in Pittsburg, this gentleman showed up next door to help our neighbor, who is ill and elderly, fix his roof. Imagine my surprise driving into my driveway and seeing this man on my neighbor's roof. He has been there all week, donating materials, time and skill to improvie the life of someone he will not see or hear from once he goes home.
Sometimes we need to turn ourselves away from the everyday rat race and look outside ourselves. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
11/12/07-End of the Fall- The last showcase is over, the air is chilly, and the last weekend has been spent in a hotel.. All the seniors are busy making last minute visits, talking to coaches, and getting ready to make that commitment for the next four years.
It has been a good fall, even though a long one. We have travelled to five tournaments from Florida to New Jersey and inbetween. I have to say that all of us, players, coaches, parents are just plain tired. For most of these kids, softball has spanned from March to November, pretty much non-stop. And that doesn't include the year long training. It's time for a break. ( And time to save up for next summer!)
For most of us, it has been a learning experience. We have learned the best way to contact coaches, film a skills video, and arrange visits. The kids have learned their role in the process. Each different grade level is involved in their stage of the recruiting process.
It has been a good Fall, with ups and downs. New parents, new teammates, have formed bonds, become friends, and learned how to get along. The team has figured out how to play together, cheer together, and get along. The pecking order has been established and the softball team "pack" is in good order. Yes, let's not lie, girls do form a "pack."
Many of our kids have schools who are interested in them. They have started writing, visiting, and figuring out where they want to go.
So, where from here? Well, a little down time to begin with. Everyone needs a rest. Don't be afraid to take it. Think about how you are at your job. Don't you need a break now and then? So do the girls.
Enjoy the holidays. Visit family that you can't visit in the summer because of tournaments. Get all that housework done that you didn't get done. Buy groceries that cannot be kept in a cooler or eaten out of a box. ( You remember groceries, don't you? It's food you buy in a store not in a concession stand). Buy presents that won't be covered in ball field dirt in six months.
RELAX! Get your life back for a while. Watch dumb TV shows, take naps on weekends,and just enjoy your life.
11/807
Who gets punished...when parents decide not to send their kid to a certain tournament because of discipline or grade issues? You may say the kid, but I say it is the wrong people... the team.
I can hear you now. Are you saying that softball comes before grades or discipline? Of course not. What I am saying is that an athlete and family makes a commitment to a team to participate in all the tournaments that team is in, unless there is a family emergency or some other major event. Taking your child out of a tournament to "punish" her may work in your mind, but it also punishes a group of kids who had NOTHING to do with the grades or discipline breach. Now, they have to do without a needed teammate. If your child is with a showcasing team, we have a problem with kids having to play out of position or having their team play poorly because of your "discipline."
So, you ask, what do I do? I suggest other, more meaningful, punishment. Take away a cell phone, the keys to the car, or a social event. Do something that will send a message to your child without affecting others.
11/5/07
It's hard to believe the Fall Season is almost over..but it is. We have been all over the East Coast and we finish up this weekend in Myrtle Beach. You know, I always looked at the 18 Under teams and thought my kid would never be that age and we would never be on the showcase circuit. Yet, here we are. We really have had a successful Fall season. The team didn't win every game they played, but I have to say that the kids have played well.
Most of the families have handled it all well. Of course, the seniors' parents are always a little on edge, wondering if their daughter will get signed by the Early signing date. Even for us parents of Juniors, it is hard not to look around at showcases and see if any college coaches were watching when your kid struck that kid out, hit that great hit, or made that great play.On the other side, you hope they DIDN'T see that error, ugly looking strike out on a change up, or that base running mistake. I really try to keep my eyes on the field. The coaches will see what they see. After all, your kid cannot be what she isn't. A college coach is smart enough to see if what our daughters have is what they want. College athletes probably make mistakes too. ( So do college coaches, I might add.)
I guess the best we can do is try not to let it make us crazy. It is, after all, just a game. And, who wants a bunch of crazy parents around? What I hope is that all the parents can help each other through this nerve wracking process. I have seen teams where the parents turn on each other and make themselves and the kids crazy. We really are NOT in competition with each other and after this is all over, I would like to think we would look back at each other fondly.
After this weekend, we have some unofficial college visits scheduled and I am looking forward to seeing different schools with my daughter and seeing them through her eyes as she picks the schools she likes. Then, thank goodness there is some down time. I think our whole family needs it!
A pleasant experience we had at our tournament was having one of our former players and her family come and watch the team play. She decided not to play anymore after two seasons with our team. The daughter made that decision on her own and I give her so much credit for making the decision, contacting the coaches and handling it in such a grown up way.
The best part was sharing memories with these people, sharing the events going on in our lives and realizing that we are all going to stay friends for a long time. My daughter, another of our players, and this fine young lady will be friends as they head off to college and I know they will stay in touch. You see, it's not just about softball, scholarships, and all that other stuff. It's about meeting people, good people that you want to have in your life.
10/16/2007
The recruiting process...It's enough to strike fear into the heart of any parent. So many rules and regulations, so many schools, so many choices. As a friend of mine goes through her daughter's SENIOR FALL and my daughter begins her JUNIOR year, I can see why so many people I have known in softball looked stressed out during these times.
When your daughter is a freshman and sophomore and she starts getting those preliminary e-mails and mailings, it seems so far away. You almost think that day will NEVER come. But, once you go into her JUNIOR year and schools start expressing interest, start sending more specific e-mails, inviting you on visits, you realize that soon, your daughter will have to make a choice. Will she be ready? Will you? How can you handle all of this and help your daughter handle it?
First of all, remember that I am someone going through this also. So, the advice I am writing to you is advice I need to consider myself. In fact, I think that is partially WHY I am writing this! Although I have witnessed and helped with the recruiting process with gymnasts in the past, going through it with my own daughter is TOTALLY different.
1. Take a deep breath. You have to remain calm and keep your head clear. First, you don't want to freak out your daughter. She is only a teenager and you need to model calm, clear-headed behavior for her. Several things are true, Chances are your daughter WILL go to college and she WILL play softball.if she wants ( even if it is not NCAA, lots of schools have intramural sports.) The division, the school, the expenes may be up in the air, but the rest will happen. The second thing is that you are not sending your daughter to school to be a professional softball player. She is going to get an education. Keep it in perspective. Does it really matter if the school she attends is one of the top teams in the country?
2. Listen to your daughter. Have a conversation with her about what SHE wants. Does she want to play D 1? Or, would she rather play D2 or 3. Does she want to go the JUCO route?
How much time does she want to devote to softball in school. After talking to many college athletes after their freshman year, softball is more than just "something you do in the spring." It is a year round, three to four hour a day thing. Some kids don't want that in college.
Does she know what major she wants? How far away from home she wants to go? Does she want a state school, private school, school affiliated with religion? These are important questions she needs to consider.
3. Know the rules. First, know what kind of academic program she should be taking . The NCAA has strict rules about what courses they need to have completed to be eligible to attend different divisions.
What kind of contact is allowed for different divisions during different times? Check out the NCAA website ( ncaa.org) and make sure you know what schools can and cannot do. Don't risk your child's eligibility because you don't know what is allowed and what is not. Make sure you are educated.
4. Sift through the advice you will get. For some reason, people who don't know anything about recruting somehow become experts when they give you advice. Make sure you check and double check anything you hear. In the past year, my friends and I have been told the following INCORRECT information:
* If you are not going D1 you don't need the SAT's.
* Schools will come and see your daughter play if they are intersted. You don't need to contact them.
* Showcase tournaments are a waste of time and money.
And the BIG DADDY of all INCORRECT information:
* You don't need to start thinking about college until SUMMER of your JUNIOR year.
Thankfully, we were able to listen to people who DID know and follow their advice.
5. Finally, keep in mind this is about your DAUGHTER, not you. Make sure you know and understand her abilities, her desires, and her hopes. Make sure she understands the process, the timelines, etc. HELP her through the process by proofreading her letters, listening to her, and taking her on college visits. Even though she may not act like it, she needs you during this time.
10/7/2007
Commitment....It's a word that gets bandied around these days, but I am always amazed at how people say it and don't mean it. I guess there are varying degrees of commitment. Somehow, when a player is trying out for a team, those degrees are left unsaid or even hidden. Let me share the degrees of commitment I have seen from players in the years I have been involved with travel ball and gymnastics.
Level 1 - Conditional commitment : This degree of commitment is explained as folloiwng... " "I will be committed to the team as long as I get exactly what my parents and I want. " This "committed player" is happy to be there as long as everything is going her way. But, if she sits a game or doesn't get to play the position she wants, she is gone.
Level 2- Selective commitment: This level of commitment applies for the right tournament or if NOTHING else is going on during the weekend. If there is something else going on that she likes better or wants to do...well, she'll be there when she can.
Level 3- Commitment determined by difficulty. Will playing on this team require the level of effort I am willing to give? If not, I may not be there.
Level 4- Total Commitment: This is the only level of commitment that matters, in my book. This is the kid who decides that the team is what matters and that she will be there no matter what. I have seen kids like this travel hours to practice, skip school social events, show up a little under the weather, because of the "C" word. This kid is in the dugout cheering on her teammates no matter how her day is going. She is the one practicing during the week and giving her all.
Am I knocking these other kids? Not necessarily. Do I think they are evil? Of course not. What I think is that they should change their expectations of what they will get out of the sport and of what the team needs to commit to them.
The sad thing is that many parents are really the " gate keepers" of the level of commitment and they let their kids get away with the lowest level possible. Yet, they expect a travel coach to commit his/her time coaching and to give their kids plenty of playing time. And, they expect a college coach to commit scholarship funds to their kid. Yet, ask a college coach on how many " part time" players they want. Not many.
As I tell my athletes, " You get what you give." Before your daughter "commits" to a team, make sure you discuss the following with her:
1. What is the team expectation? Does your coach allow kids to miss games for high school or other events? Do they have enough players to allow you to miss? How much practice time during the week do they expect? Different teams do have different levels of commitment required.
2. Does your daughter want to commit the kind of time required? Is she really that interested in the kind of practice and playing time the team expects? Does she want to do what is required? Does she understand what is required?
Finally, make sure YOU understand what is required and what the consequence is if your daughter does not do what is required. Be prepared to support that consequence with your daughter. Be prepared to move her to another team or have her leave the sport if she doesn't want the level of commitment.
The " C" word is a hard word to fulfill. But, it is a word that everyone needs to learn in terms of sport and life.
On another note... I watched Alicia Sacramone and the US team at the recent World Championships. The US was cruising along in first place in the team competition when they hit a wall and balance beam and struggled. ( For all of you non-gymnastics people out there, we that know and love the sport call Balance beam the "great equalizer." It can destroy a great athlete or elevate a steady one.) The Chinese team suddenly was in first by a small margain.Alicia, who is the oldest girl on the team, took the team aside and, with the voice of experience, told them that they needed to remember that they were the best team on the floor exercise and they would make it up then. "We are the USA." she said.
" Turn the page." China then went out on the floor, had a few small errors. The US team then went out on the floor and, you guessed it, rocked it. First place, thanks to a team leader who brought the girls together and re-focused them. You have GOT to love a kid like that.
Oh, and that kid ( who is now 19) failed to make the US Olympic Team trials in 2004 despite great promise. Remember what I said about those who have to fight for it. Sometimes they bloom later and out of the limelight, but they do bloom.
And another one... The Russian gymnastics team is to gymnastics what the USA is to softball. But, at the World Championships, they finished dead last in the team finals.Why? Because one elite athlete failed to do the simplest thing on vault and took a zero. The devil is in details.
( By the way, the mistake the gymnast made? She failed to commit to her vault, hit the board without going over, and thereby voided her vault. There's that "C" word again.
10/6/2007
So, how long has it been since you....
taught? coached? I ask this question out of frustration. I am a teacher and have been teaching for almost 30 years. I am not afraid to learn new ways of teaching and new ways of doing things. However, I see, year after year, new teachers get driven out of teaching by supervisors who observe their teaching and proceed to PICK THEM APART. I just want to say to these people, "when was the last time YOU taught a class of children?" In most cases, these supervisors have either NEVER taught or haven't taught for 20 years.
Granted, there are many new, young teachers who should not spend their life teaching. But, I don't see the ones who should stay teaching being helped to stay there. Instead, I hear of supervisors coming in, observing for one class period and writing teachers up for stupid stuff. By the end of their first or second year, they are gone chased out by the evaluation that they cannot do ANYTHING right.
Just once, I would like to see supervisors have to come and teach a class of REAL kids for a few weeks. I think they may have a revelation! For that reason, it will never happen. I had a supervisor aquaintance of mine say once when I suggested that supervisors come teach for awhile... " That is not what I get paid for." I wanted to ask, "Do you get paid to run teachers out of teaching?" Maybe it is just where I teach, but that seems like their attitude. In fact, I think that they more that they run out, the more respected they are by the "upper management." I don't think these people are evil, I think they are just misguided by a management culture that applauds being "super critical."
The same thing holds true for coaching. I have coached for a very long time and so have many of my colleagues. So often, the management staff in public schools have never coached or haven't coached in AGES. Many of them DON'T like sports. I have even had staff tell me that they think that sports should not be a part of the public school system. A couple of them have relayed to ME their personal stories of not making teams. They carry that negative impression of athletics and coaches with them and make every decision based on that perception. Again, I want to ask, " How long has it been?"
Now, just so I am fair, there are some great supervisors. I have one friend who will come into the classroom, teach a class, model strategies and really help new teachers. She should be a model for EVERYONE! Not only that, but she really understands kids. She understands and remembers what it is like to stand in front of 30 kids and try to get them all on the same page.
I know this is a softball page, but sometimes I think these feelings apply to softball and so much more....
10/5/2007
I hear it a lot....a parent talks about how their daughter wants to "do it all." She wants to play travel ball, one or two high school sports, be in a band or chorus, and on and on. I remember when I was in high school, it was possible to do so many things. I did cheerleading, gymnastics, track, chorus and still had time to have boyfriends, go to the movies, you know, the normal teenage stuff. Of course, we are talking a time pre-Title 9, pre-travel sports, and really before a girl thought of getting an athletic scholarship.
Now, with the advent of so many travel sports, college scholarships for women, and the ambitions of both girls and parents, it seems that the carefree fun life of a high school athlete just doesn't exist. In a way, I feel bad for our kids because everything they do, athletics, academics and everything else has become a resume for their future in college. They really don't get to relax, at least not the ones who want to do well.
So, what is the answer? Can you "do it all" and continue to play travel ball at the highest level? By my experience, at least at the 16 and 18 level, no. Somewhere in their freshman year, a girl needs to narrow down and prioritize. If she doesn't she will end up either falling behind her teammates OR burniing out. What I mean by narrowing down I mean selecting those activities that she likes best and that she values the most. A good example is my daughter. As a seventh grader she played softball, did gymnastics, took piano lessons, played clarinet in the middle school band and, of course, did school work. As she got into her freshman year, the piano lessons and the gymnastics went by the wayside. She kept band in the high school as a way of getting into a high school activity in the Fall. As she moved into her Junior year, most of the band went too, except for the steel drum band. Now, she focuses on her softball. She does have a social life that fits in between tournaments, practices, and lessons. This weekend, which is homecoming, she will attend the homecoming game and dance. However, with practice early Sunday morning, she says she will be in early tomorrow evening.
Academics ALWAYS come first no matter what. Sometimes the work gets done in the car or early in the morning before school. She pulls A's in everything and all her teachers say she is doing fine. At times, when a choice needs to be made, we go for the academics because that is ultimately what will get her in school.
I listen a lot to her. If I hear something that sounds like burnout or too much stress on her part and we readjust. The bottom line is that I never want her to say that she regrets playing softball. On the other hand, sooner or later kids need to learn that you really can't do everything. How many of us adults wish we had learned that so that our lives weren't so complicated?
Honestly, when I look at the kids in school that don't do a sport, I am glad she has something to keep her busy. I just want to make sure it is something she will continue to love.
10/2/2007
A new year, a new start...This past weekend was my daughter's first tournament with the
new 18 U team. She has been with this team, but there are some new players with them. They had a great weekend, playing well, bonding, the whole nine yards. We have made some great additions both athletically and character wise.
While the on the field stuff was great, even greater was the fact that I got to meet some wonderful people and get to know some other wonderful people. First, on Saturday night the girls all went to a Pizza place after their last game to have dinner and some " down time." While there, I got a chance to sit and have dinner with one of our new girl's parents.
It is always nice to meet parents who you seem to have that instant bond and the same set of values as I do. Not that my opinions are always the best, but I DO try to keep things in perspective. While we talked about our daughters, their hopes, our hopes, our jobs, our lives and on and on, I began to see that I am not the only one who sees that parenting is a long term commitment and that there is more to life than softball. It is also good to see that they are instilling in their daughter the same kind of values I hope to instill in mine, team work, honesty, sportsmanship, commitment, and hard work.
One thing we talked about was the fact that we want our daughters to learn the high and low points of competition, and that you have to earn your spot in this sport OR in any other job or avocation. The joy of compeiting is not always winning, but giving the effort and feeling like you " left it on the field. "
I look forward to getting to know these parents throughout the summer.
The second person I got to meet was the coach from the Richmond Ruckus out of Richmond, Virginia. I don't know this gentleman's name, but he is the kind of coach every parent wants their kid to play for. He had common sense, perspective, a good sense of the big picture, and also a sense of caring for his team. We talked about softball, college recruiting, and knowing what life and sports are about. He reminds me so much of the gentlemen my daughter plays for. So, to the Richmond Ruckus coach, I don't know your name, but your are awesome. ( And so is his team, we had a great game ending up on the losing end of a 1-0 game. ) I hope we see them again! They are the kind of opponents you love to play for they have a lot of class and play well too.
On another note, I watched disturbing behavior from a young lady from West Virginia and her dad. The girl played first base. She was a kid of good size and, it appeared, some ability. But, between her and her dad yelling at each other and her slamming her glove down on the ground after a missed out, I really wondered what this kid's story was. I also wondered if she and her dad knew that people were watching... and noticing. If I was a college coach, I'd get out my sharpie and mark an "x" through her name. She didn't mind making a spectacle of herself, and not in a good way...
9/22/07
THE RIGHT COACH- From 10 U to 18 U - it is so important that your daughter has the right coach for her team. So many things can go right, or wrong, with your child's playing experience depending on the coach. At ages below 16 and 18 U, the main traits a coach should have are 1. knowledge of the game, 2. ability to communicate and relate to female athletes 3. a long term plan and perspective for the team and the player, 4. a philosophy or set of goals that you agree with.
At age 16U -18U, there are more qualifications required, particularly if your daughter wants to play softball in college. These qualifications have to do with the college recruiting process. At these levels, athletes and their families rely on their coaches to help them through recruiting. Too many times, I have spoken to parents whose daughters are now Juniors and Seniors who have not taken ONE step toward getting their child recruited. On top of that, the team their daughter plays on has spent their time at local tournaments where the most important thing is a tiny plastic trophy instead of getting in front of college coaches. At the last minute, these parents begin to wonder why no college coach has come calling. Now, I am not saying that the entire responsibility is the coaches in this case. Certainlly, a parent should educate themselves in the recruiting process. But, most don't have a clue of the timeline needed.
So, what should you look for? First, look for a coach whose stated goal is to help your daughter and the rest of the players get into college and play softball.This coach should have a plan that is clearly stated and laid out for you. The plan should have steps involved in every step of the way from your daughter's freshman to Senior years. One warning, beware of coaches PROMISING that they will get your daughter a D1 or any type of softball scholarship. No coach can promise that. They can state their success rate, but getting a scholarship relies on SO many factors. The guarantee I want from a coach is that he/she will assist in the scholarship/recruiting process. One of the key components of the plan is the tournament schedule. Is the coach planning high profile college showcases in the Fall and Summer? Are other tournaments on the schedule high quality tournaments? Will the team be competitive in these tournaments? Another important asset is how the coach will help showcase your daughter? A showcase game is for showcasing athletes, not winning tournaments. Will your coach have the mentality to get your daughter ( and the other players) seen during games? ( On the flip side of that, you need to understand that this means your daughter will probably NOT play in every inning of every game. In showcase tournaments, players are shuffled in and out to get college coaches a chance to see the athletes they want to see.) This is where a non-parent coach is such an asset. A coach who does not have a child on the team has the ability to be objective about this process.
Second, does this coach have experience in the recruiting process? If so, that is a huge plus, particularly if he/she can list athletes that have gone on to college softball. Even if the coach doesn't have personal experience in getting athletes in college, does the organization? Or, has the coach educated him/herself by going to sessions, talking to college coaches? Also, does the coach have any contacts with college coaches? A coach who can write a personal letter or e-mail to a college coach and have that coach respect his/her opinion is a GREAT asset.
Third, what will the team provide to help the athlete get recruited?Check out the team website. Are there profiles there for college coaches to see? Does the team provide profile sheets for the team for tournaments? Does the coach require athletes to maintain grades by asking for report cards throughout the year? ( Yes, this is important. There are very few FULL softball scholarships, so academics are CRUCIAL!) Does the coach require the athlete to meet certain BENCHMARKS during the season? ( For example, my daughter and her team mates had an assignment to send out at least 8 handwritten letters one week.) Coaches can help get their athletes going on the process because ( for some reason) they have more power with our kids than parents do!
Finally, and maybe most importantly, does the coach believe that his/her athletes have the ability to play in college? I once had a coach tell me that NONE of the kids on my daughters 14 U team would EVER play college ball. I was shocked because there were some very good players on her team, many of whom are now being courted by D1 schools.
The problem with this coach is a common one. He was thinking that the only teams that had programs( and mattered) were UCLA, Texas, Arizona, etc. There are so many more programs out there where an athlete can find a place to play. Needless to say, we didn't stay with that team for long before moving to a team that had a more long term outlook. Coaches need to be able to REALISTICALLY assess a player's assets and liabilities and then be honest with the parent about the possibiliities of college play.
You, the parent, need to do your homework. Look long and hard before you sign on with a team at the 16 U and 18 U level.
Too Smart to Think????:
You know, sometimes things work out the way they should. My son, who is a computer whiz and great student, applied to M.I.T. among other top notch schools. He did not end up going there, thank GOODNESS! While watching the news this morning, a story came on about a female student there who pretended to wear a bomb into Logan International. Needless to say, she was apprehended and faces serious charges. Her claim was that she was wearing "art." Yeah. Okay. This young lady, whose first name is "Star," is obviously so smart that she has absolutely NO COMMON SENSE. ( And, by the way, did her parents REALLY think that 'STAR" was a good name? Why not "Doofus?")
This is a great RECRUITING tool for every other ENGINEERING school in the world other than MIT. I am so glad that my son is in a school that is interested in smart kids WITH common sense who are focused on REAL work to improve the world instead of this young lady's brand of art.
9/15/2007
The last three weeks has been filled with so much going on I have barely had time to breathe, much less write! School started, and I am always exhausted at the end of each day for at least a month until my stamina increases. This year though, I have less responsiblity than last year so I can come home and focus on my family and my life. It's a good feeling even though I have so much to do at home, I am still worn out by 10:00 p.m. each day.
USA Gymnastics:So many times during the last three weeks that I have wanted to comment on. First, congratulations to the U.S. Gymnastics team and particularly Shawn Johnson for winning the world championships. Yes, I know this is a softball site, but gymnastics has been a part of my life for so long, I have to say something! I hope that a year from now we are calling our team Olympic Champions.
On to softball. The brochures, letters and e-mails from schools are starting to come in and we begin the arudous process of recruiting and thinking about where my daughter wants to go to school and play softball. Let me reiterate, WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL AND PLAY SOFTBALL.. It is tough to realize that even though her father and I think we know better, it is HER life and she has to find the place where she fits. As a college coach told me a couple of weeks ago, "They play softball for four years. After that, they live a life." It's exciting for her, but stressful too as she wonders if she can get where she wants to be. Tests still have to be taken, visits made, showcases attended and she doesn't want to let anyone down. It's up to her father and I to provide love and support and to let her know that it IS her life and we will support her choices.
A friend of ours is going through the final sprint to the finish line of recruiting. Now, her daughter needs to make the decision. It's tough...
Travel Ball Commitment: If your daughter has played travel ball, you know about the commitment of time, money and family resources it takes. Between the levels of 10 U and 16 U, being there for the team is so important. Now, at 18 U, the commitment extends beyond the team and individual playing time. It becomes about being there so that the player and her teammates can be seen at Showcases. If a player isn't there, it may impact a kid who has a college coach watching her. How, you say, does one player impact another on the team? Okay, let's say your team is heading for a showcase. You have 12 or 13 players. All of a sudden, one or even two players decide to go to homecoming or to a family reunion, or something. Now, the team has 10 or 11 players and perhaps has to put kids in positions they are not used to playing. A college coach comes to a showcase and wants to see Sally playing third. But, Sally is now playing shortstop becuase Susie went to homecoming. Sure, the coach may understand that Sally is playing out of position, but he still doesn't get to see her where she is at her best. Get the picture?
Solution? First, check the schedule of the team you are going to play for. Highlight weekends where you may have a conflict. Prioritize. If you are a senior, homecoming is probably important. If you are an underclassman, not so much. You may have to forgo the event this year ... Second, communicate. Tell your coach right away which conflicts you have. Then, he can decide if he wants you on the team or not or if that showcase should go on the schedule. Waiting until the schedule is published to the team means that other girls have sent that schedule out to coaches who may already be planning on coming to that tournament. Third, think beyond yourself and consider the commitment you made.
8/26/07
Yesterday, the tryouts ended and my daughter made the team she wanted to be on. She is very happy. These are the same coaches she has been with since 14 U. She had a great tryout, as did the other girls who came out.
So, now we have a new team and it is all fresh and new. Everyone is happy. I hope it can stay that way, but I know that it is not always possible. It's sort of like a honeymoon. You are excited, you don't know each other's little annoying habits, and nothing bad has happened yet. However, it is the trials and hardships of a long season that show you what a team is made of. The long season is what forges those lifelong bonds ( and sometimes some other kinds of relationships, but let's not go there.
We lost a few of our players. Quite frankly, I won't miss all of them. Out of all the ones we lost, only TWO kids and their parents had the class to finish the season and talk to the coaches about not coming back. Two left early and one just didn't show up to tryouts. I still like most of these people, but I don't undersstand that kind of ending. No matter how mad you are.... oh well. I hope I can see these people on the field this Fall and Summer. I will always consider most of them friends.
On another note... I was appalled by a quote from the manager of the Texas Little League Baseball Team at the World Series. His team had just lost to the Southeast team, Warner Robbins Little League of Georgia. When asked about it, he said, "I don't think the better team won. They will lose to Japan ( in the finals)." Really. Well, postscript, Bud, Georgia beat Japan 3-2 with a walk up home run in the bottom of the 8th inning. That kind of attitude from a coach leads me to wonder, who are the adults here? Clearly, the manager was upset. But, shouldn't he have handled defeat in such a way as to show his team how MATURE ADULTS handle adversity? What did his kids learn?????They watched an adult they admire POUT about defeat. Instead of giving Georgia their due, he made it sound like they got lucky. Maybe they did, but did he ever think that his team was LUCKY to be there. Luck is a major part of any championship. Everyone knows that. A bounce one way or another, a call made one way or another; all of these things can play a part. I am not saying that talent, skill, heart and teamwork aren't the most important ingredients, but everyone who has EVER won anything will tell you that there was a point when things could have gone completely the other way.
So, to the TEXAS Manager, I say, GROW UP. Take defeat like a man and lead youngsters the way they should be led, by a MATURE adult, not a whining child.
8/19/07
Many of you don;t know, but I spent the last 30 years ( yes, I am that old) in gymnastics as a coach, judge and administrative official. A lot of hours with kids. I love gymnastics and always will, but tonight as I watched the U.S. Championship coverage on NBC, I had to think that something we do to athletes in this country is just wrong. I watched a lovely little girl, Shawn Johnson( 15), win her first national championship and I am very happy for her. At the same time, our current National Champion, Nastia Liukin (18) competed hurt and had a rough time, ending up third. Throughout the coverage, Al Trautwig insisted on emphasizing the "drama" of her difficulties and the fact that Shawn Johnson was the next ",Mary Lou Retton." WOW. I have seen that before. In 1992, it was Kim Zmeskal. She was going to win a medal, no doubt. She was compared to Mary Lou everywhere, even on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Problem was, the pressure was too much and she fell in her first event of the games, erasing that dream. A little later on, it was a young lady by the name of Vanessa Atler who was going to be the next Olympic Gold Medalist. She didn't even make the team in 2000. All the expectations, all the dreams, gone.
So, what does all this mean? I think to me it means that I think we are too quick to call a kid the next "Mary Lou" or in our case, the next Jenny Finch. A 14 year old kid has some talent and success, and all of a sudden she is the next best thing since sliced bread. Everyone talks about her and the expectations are that she is better than anyone has ever been. Why isn't that good? Because very few of these kids can live up to that kind of hype. They are just kids, after all. And it is so easy to be great when no one notices. It's so much harder when everyone is watching. Yes, there are a few who can reach beyond it, but I have seen SO many kids trashed and burned out by this kind of expectation. Plus, we Americans have such a " show me" mentality. Show me you are as good as they say you are, kid.
In the reverse, I had the pleasure and honor of knowing Dominique Dawes, three time Olympian. Many peope don't remember when she started out, but I was one of the judges who gave her her first perfect "10." When Dom started competing, she was a complete disaster. Her form was poor, she fell and cried a lot, and no one thought she would be much of anything. She had raw talent, but no polish. When her coach, Kelli Hill, took Dom to compete at the top level in the U.S., people laughed at her. No one expected anything. Little by little, Dom got better. No one mentioned her name as a future Olympian. But, in 1992, in Baltimore, Dom earned her first Olympics. She did that two more times, 1996 ( she was a member of the Mag 7 Gold Medalists in Atlanta) and 2000. No one gave Dom a chance. She had the luxury of developing under the radar of expectation until she was old enough to handle it.
So, what do we learn from this? I think several things.
1. Remember that a kid is a kid. At 12 or 14, she may be great. But, there is a lot of time between then and greatness.A lot can happen, injury, burn out, etc Sometimes, the star 12 year old comes back to the pack when the rest of the kids "catch up." Nuture kids along slowly and try to keep from letting them get that " future star" label. Help them keep perspective by keeping yours.
2. Don't give up on kids too early either. A girl may struggle or have a hard time. Maybe she takes a little longer to gain skill or strength. Maybe she isn't the fastest,ibggest, strongest, or best when she is 14 or 15. But, she may have the heart and desire to get better and will end up a terrific player by the time she is 17. Don't take one look at a kid and give up on them.
3. Talent is God given and a blessing. But what is more of a blessing is heart and resiliency..That is something NO ONE can see or teach, but it is something that can mean everything.
4. Remember, we can't all be Jenny Finch. If we could, it wouldn't mean anything. As hard as it is, we have to accept kids for the people and players they are. Let kids reach their potential and celebrate that.
5. A career is a series of "ups and downs." Anyone who has competed in any sport will tell you that the rough times help an athlete develop as much or more than the easy times. We need to stand by our kids and let them learn from hard times.
6. As for the media, they sell their shows and publications by making a "story" out of everything. They will continue to do what they do. I just hope that we can see through it all that these are kids and human beings. We need to take their hype as what it is, HYPE.
8/18/2007
I am always amazed by people. Some of these are softball people and some are not:
1. Driving up to a huge toll bridge in my area when a lady in a mustang decides to "creep" over in front of me as she looks for money for the toll. She then holds up everyone as she stops 100 yards from the toll booth to continue to look for the money. People are honking and slamming on their breaks as they avoid her. Later on, after I assume she found the money, she blows by us on the bridge doing 75. Making up for lost time.
2. Watching the Little League World Series on ESPN. Do these announcers really take this as seriously as they seem to ? Orel Hershiser ( sp?) looks like this is the most important sporting event in the history of man. Orel, lighten up man! It's Little League.
3. I am always amazed at the education system I work in. Got a summer "welcome back to work" letter from a supervisor. Basically, it said," You guys are the best teachers. However, we are going to help you get better. And, by the way, we are overhauling the whole system." This from a person who spends most of her days finding work to do. "Hey, it isn't broken, but I'm here to fix it anyway." Gotta love it. My response? Please come in and show me how you would do it better. Yeah. Like that will happen. " Sorry, too busy reading my e-mail."
You just have to laugh. People are funny sometimes.
8/17/07
Another round of tryouts begin tomorrow. No matter how many times she goes through this, it is always a little nerve wracking. Everyone wants their child to do well and show her best stuff. At this point, it is up to them. Several tips for parents as you watch.
1. Detach and stay quiet. You are there to bring water and silent moral support. Wish your daughter luck, find a place to sit quietly, and stay out of it. Coaches don't want to see the meddling parent, no matter what the age. A parent who cannot stay out of the way at tryouts can become a problem later. NOTE TO PARENT COACHES: This is not a good time to shout directions when your child is batting, pitching....etc. And don't think the coaches will miss your "signals." They will see them.
2. Don't worry over every little missed ball or swing that misses. Coaches don't expect kids to be perfect in tryouts. They want to see hustle, good fundamentals, and talent. At the younger ages, talent is extremely important as is coachability. As the kids get older, coaches DO want to see that your daughter knows the game, but coaches will often take on a talented athlete who needs a "little" work. If you are going to sit there and worry, go shopping or sit in the car.
3. When the tryout is over, it's over. Don't linger to talk to the coach about the tryout. The final assessment will come when the results are announced. Hanging around to try to squeeze information out of a coach is not a good idea.
4. Be friendly but not overbearing to other parents. This is not a good time to brag about your daughter or talk down her previous team. First, you don't know who you are talking to . Second, it is just plain boring and obnoxious. If you want to give basic information, that is fine.
Remember, tryouts are just plain stressful. Make it less stressful on yourself by keeping it all in perspective.
8/13/07
There are several things I felt compelled to write about today. First of all, I enjoyed watching the 18 Gold National Championship Game on my computer yesterday. ( Even though the audio was TERRIBLE!) The level of play that these young ladies exhibited was amazing. Yet, even with that, they weren't perfect. One pitcher ( who eventually got the win) had a grand slam hit off of her. A great shortstop made several errors. Pitchers walked batters. The losing team gave up a 4-0 lead to lose 5-4 on an infield hit. Now, I am not happy that these kids made mistakes, but I think it does show that even the very best players have bad moments. Makes me want to give my kid a break when she goofs.
Second, I went on many of the softball discussion boards that I follow. Sure enough, every softball fan with half a brain knew that neither of the coaches pulled their starting pitchers soon enough. Nevermind that these coaches have taken their teams to the Gold Championship Game ( one of them two years in a row and the other at least four other times), these coaches and parents know better. Really. Crazy, isn't it?Somehow, softball is a sport that encourages people to second guess even the finest of coaches.
Third, one of my daughter's team mates told her coaches that she would not be playing with them anymore. She has decided to not play travel ball. She is a great kid and her parents are great people. I respect the way they handled the situation. They didn't pout all summer, talk about the coaches, not show up without notice or just e-mail the coaches before a tournament. They did it the right way. The daughter made her decision and informed the coaches. It is sad that we lose people like this and keep some of the loony birds we keep. I will always consider these people friends. If nothing else, softball allows you to make some lifelong friends.
8/11/07
I admit it. I watch the Little League World Series, baseball and softball. I don't know why, I guess because it is fun to watch these kids play so hard. Plus, you never know what is going to happen in these games! However, I am beginning to wonder if all this early exposure for these Little Leaguers is a good thing. Why?
First of all, the way these announcers talk about these kids. They mentioned one kid who was the "last cut" of an all-star team but then got put on the team after another kid quit. Geez, I don't think I would want anyone to know that I was originally cut and then put on the team. I don't know....maybe I am wrong but it's sort of like being someone's second choice to go to Prom.
Secondly, there are just some things that shouldn't be heard on the hidden microphone. Last year was the famous New York Little Leaguer who used a VERY bad four letter word in the dugout.I'll bet his parents were happy when they saw and heard that on the TIVO. This year it was a pitcher who whined when he was taken out," You can't keep calling fast balls." and then threw his glove down and pouted in the infield. These are twelve year old kids and they are going to do dumb things that twelve year old kids do. I just don't think they need to have a TV camera and a microphone recording it. Now, I watch a coach argue with an umpire over whether or not the umpire called time. I watch one coach talk to FOUR out of SIX umpires on one play. Gee, do you think he's lost perspective?
Finally, I just don't think kids need this kind of exposure this early. Let them stay anonymous in their Little League glory except for their home town and families. Televising the games just makes the significance way above what it really should be, which is fun. Believe me, no one wants to lose on nationwide T.V. and I hate to think that this is the highlight of these kid's lives.
I can hear some of you out there telling me that it is important that kids get to compete. I agree. All of life is competition, no matter how many of us want to pretend that " everyone can win." I'm not saying to take out the competitve aspect, just get it off T.V.
But, I will admit it, I DO watch it. I guess that's hypocritical but I'd rather watch this than most of the crap that is on T.V. these days.
By the way, did anyone see the mustaches some of these kids have? What are they feeding them?
8/8/07
As another season ends, the scramble begins. Players looking for new teams, teams looking for new players, parents looking for... well who knows what we parents are looking for.
As it all starts over again, some tips to parents. As you go from tryout to tryout try to pay attention to a couple of key issues.
First, pay attention to the way you are welcomed to a tryout. Do the coaches seem happy to have you? Do they introduce themselves to you? Does someone from the staff personally greet you? Are they organized? How do they interact with the kids? Do they enjoy what they are doing?
Second, pay attention to the kids who are trying out with your daughter. What is their skill level? Does your daughter fit in with the skill level? Will she be able to get playing time with this team? Do they hustle? Do they seem to like what they are doing?
Third, pay attention to parents. Are they friendly?
Next, talk to the coaches about the proposed schedule. What kind of tournaments do they have planned? Where will they travel? Do the number and location of tournaments match your expectations and budget?
07/29/07
Another year....
Now as we shift our focus to the college recruiting process, let me share some things I have seen so far and my opinion on it. And, let's fae it, since this is my web page, I CAN state my opinion!
1. Recruiting is work. If you don't get your daughter's name out there, she will not get recruited. Coaches do NOT just show up at games looking for your daughter. They need to know she is interested. Start writing in the sophmore year.
2. Don't talk to college coaches at tournaments. Leave that to the team coaches. First of all, you don't know who that coach came to see, and even if your daughter is the MOST wonderful player ever, that coach may be looking at someone else. Don't make this an opportunity to give the coach your kid's information. That is why they have TEAM profile books or pages. If your team does not have a team profile book or page, why not? Ask your coach to get one together. The college coach may smile politely if you choose to ignore my advice. Trust me, they are NOT amused nor impressed. Plus, it is a VIOLATION for many of them to talk to you before July 1 after your daughter's Junior year.
3. Stop babying your daughter. College coaches watch EVERYTHING that goes on. If you make a spectacle of yourself or be overbearing, coaches are going to RUN in the other direction. Trust me, your daughter can carry her own bag, get her own drinks, etc.
4. While we are on the topic, if your daughter has a bad day, she ( and you) need to suck it up. Be positive with her but DON'T let her sit on your lap and cry. Really....if she is in 16 U or 18 U and cannot handle disappointment on her own, what makes you think she will be able to in college. No college coach wants a big cry baby.
5. Get over it... I have had several parents complain to me because the coaches of the travel team " yelled" at their daughter. Okay, excessive yelling is one thing, but do you really expect the coach to cheer when your kid blows a play or strikes out? They need to let the kid know it is NOT okay. Most coaches will handle player mistakes with the same way you would handle your kid getting a bad grade. THey will fuss and then instruct. AND, by the way, do you think a COLLEGE coach is going to be any easier to deal with when your kid makes a mistake? A college coaches job DEPENDS on winning!
Finally, RELAX. Let things evolve. Do your homework, let your daughter do her homework. Trust me, she will go to school....and if she has talent, she will probably get to play.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
It never fails. A parent will come to me and tell me that their daughter was promised something ( playing time, etc.) by a coach and didn't get what was promised.
I don't doubt that this happens. I am sure ( and actually know of ) there are coaches who will say anything to get a kid on their team. But, honestly, does it happen that often? Why
would a coach tell a kid something, especially if the kid is not a superstar, only to go back
on it later?
I think there is something else going on. I think that parents and players are not listening to what coaches are actually saying. I think they are hearing what they want to hear. Here are
some statements coaches make that you may want to think more about:
1. " She won't get much playing time." Okay, this seems fairly straightforward but, based on the parents who have problems with this, it is not as straightforward as I think. If a coach
tells you this is means that your kid will sit the bench. A lot. It does not mean that at some point in the season the coach will have an epiphany and see how great your kid is and she will play all the time. If a coach makes this statement, you probably want to go elsewhere to a lower level team or a team where there is not much compeitition at your daughter's position. If you hang around, expect that she will sit the bench. Tell her to keep working hard.
2. "She will be our number three ( fill in the blank with pitcher, catcher, etc.)" This means that there are two other players in front of her. You do the math. If you play 60 games a summer, your daughter will get less than a third of these games. ( Why less than a third? Because the starter is going to be out there for a majority of the games.) It does NOT mean that your daughter is going to start the big games or the important games unless a starter is hurt. IF you don't like this, look for a team that needs your daughter.
3. ' I will play as many players as possible during pool play. During elimination, I will play the best nine." This seems simple. Most coaches stick to this very well. It means you will
see your daughter play during pool play and not during bracket play, unless she is doing very well. Let's face it, would you do it any differently?
4. " She will need to earn her position." Another fairly straightforward statement. It means the coach expects your daughter to work hard, hustle, and produce. If that happens, she will get to play. If not, she won't. Coaches who say this don't want players getting lazy. Who can blame them?
5. "We plan to use her at ( fill in position here.)" Expect your daughter to play where the coach says she will play. If your daughter is an infielder but the coach wants to use her as an outfielder, then she will be an outfielder. Don't expect that this will change. If your daughter wants to play as an infielder, don't count on it here.
Don't get me wrong. There are coaches who lie, just like there are parents who lie. If you come across one of these, run as fast as you can in the other direction. Before you do, make sure of the following:
ONE - You heard exactly what the coach said. Or, if it was your daughter who talked to the coach, make sure she told you exactly what he said. Remember, kids don't like to tell their parents bad news. They don't want to let us down.
TWO - You have a realistic picture of your daughter's ability. It is hard to see our kids through the unbiased eye of a coach. After all, we love our daughters. Take a step back. If she has things she needs to work on, then help her work on them. Get her the instruction she needs. If she is never going to be a front line player, then let her enjoy her supporting role on the team. Sometimes, we, as parents, are more upset about our daughters' lack of playing time than they are.
THREE: Will this team still be a better place for your daughter to be? Will she learn a lot. Will she get better. By playing on this team, will she be more prepared for a starting role next year or on another team? If so, let her stay and learn. You can move her after this season.
FOUR: Let your daughter have a say in the decision. Maybe she will be fine with her role. If so, put your ego aside and let her go where she wants.
Whatever you do, do it with class. Thank the coaches for their time and move on. Whatever you do, don't stay and become one of those complainers.
A Little Perspective, PLEASE!
Every year it happens and every year I am amazed. That one parent or family that was happy to join your team in the Fall suddenly can't wait to get out. There are sometimes good reasons for this, coaching, costs, etc. However, it often seems that there are some parents who cannot see the big picture and lose perspective right away.
I know you have seen her. Let's call her Sally and she is a player with natural talent. But, she isn't there yet even though she will be someday. As she has gone through softball, people have remarked that she will be good someday. And, somewhere along the line, her parents have taken those comments to heart.
Sally has played on your team for a year. She has grown a lot in a year, thanks to good coaching, but she is still not there yet. And, because she isn't her parents have to blame someone. So, who do they blame? Sally? No, they love Sally and she is obviously trying her hardest. The coaches? Maybe. After all, they haven't taught Sally everything yet. Yes, they are part of the blame. Even better, it's the team. The other girls aren't up to Sally's calibre. Why, she wants it more, works harder and plays better than anyone else. If they were just up to her ability, why she would be great. But they aren't so Sally has to suffer. So, long before the end of the season, Sally's parents are wheeling and dealing to find a better team, one that will live up to Sally's standards. They don't care that they are going to leave 11 other kids high and dry, just as long as Sally is happy.
Well, let me give you my prediction for Sally and her parents. They will never be happy, because Sally will never live up to their standards. As a matter of fact, next year, they will be complaining about the team she is on for the same reason or another one. The simple fact it that Sally isn't "all that." And, as long as they keep jumping teams, they will teach Sally two things. Commitment doesn't matter and it is never her responsibility when things go wrong. So, when Sally goes to a college and can't cut it, it won't be her fault. When Sally gets a job and can't cut it, it won't be her fault. When Sally gets married and the marriage isn't perfect, well, you get the picture. Sally will leave school, leave her job, and maybe leave her family because her parents have taught her how to do that.
Do you know these parents? Of course you do. You see them at every tournament. Are you one of these parents? Maybe you are. My daughter has left teams before. However, she never left before the end of the season, and she always left on good terms. She understands that commitment is more than just getting your way all the time.
If you are one of these parents, I hope you see the light. Because, long before your daughter quits playing, people are going to know about you. They will understand that you don't know the meaning of commitment and team. I hope you change your perspective and see that it is a marathon, not a sprint. Because there will always be someone better, stronger, and faster than your daughter. And sooner or later, someone will leave her team because she doesn't live up to THEIR standards.
Just my opinion....
